Reason 2034 not to get married and have kids

At least it feels like that today. Maybe it's because I woke up to a knee to the clit by a bony 3 year old. That's just the start of the shitty day.

Let's enumerate, shall we?

Mr. BigRed said he "cleaned" the kitchen, which apparently consists of shuffling the overdue bills from one pile to another while the kid's toys bounce from one counter to another. No water is used, let alone bleach, Fantastik, or 409, and a sponge or washrag is unheard of. Broom? WTF is that? (facepalm)

So. I clean the kitchen (the proper and normal way by putting things in their rightful place and mopping up the counters), and it's fairly sparkling right now. That's after an hour of picking up and scrubbing counters, and TWO HOURS of scrubbing the floor with bleach water until the water was black and my oh-so-cute knitted washrag was faded. Then, of course, Obi Wan pissed on the floor because he's a fucking moron who doesn't know the difference between linoleum and grass. (headdesk)

Mainly, this effort was put forth today because I have two friends that were supposed to come over today (with 5 kids between them), and plus my two - when there's lots of kids, I like my floors and house to be clean so on the inevitable chance someone's kid decides to lick my floor, it's nice and clean.

Well, Friend No. 1 decided that she wasn't coming because she and her three were hanging out with her SIL. Fine. What the fuck ever. Friend No. 2 with two kids actually has a pretty good reason for not being over here right now - her kids fell asleep for their naps 1/2 an hour before she was supposed to come over. (headwall)

Speaking of naps, MY FUCKING HEATHEN CHILDREN WILL NOT TAKE ONE. They know they need one. They know what happens if they don't take one (unbearable crankiness). But they resist. Every. Fucking. Day. (picture my head going through the wall)

So. In summary, don't have kids, and don't get married unless you're prepared to deal with idiots (the husband) and sloppy little heathens (the kids). Now, most people will be thinking "Wow, what a cunt. She shouldn't be a mom."
Well, it's not like I don't love my kids - I do. But I swear to God, from the age of 2 to 6 or 7, there is absolutely nothing between their ears besides apple juice and Froot Loops. When you have to tell the same 5 year old to "SIT DOWN!!!!!!" seven times in 5 minutes, you're liable to be a bitch too.

Please, someone tell me it gets a little better...

Oh, and here's the "I swear, I'm going to hit you with my knitting bag" award for the day: I'm scrubbing the floor, and Mr. BigRed is sitting on his ass and reading a book on the couch. I ask him why he isn't doing SOMETHING, and he says "I really just want to relax this weekend." After being an idiot about cleaning the kitchen, after being a douchebag about getting a haircut rightnowrightthisveryinstantbecauseiwannatakeashowernevermindthatyouhaventhadyourbreakfast, and running the vacuum like a retard afterward (thereby forcing me to tell him to go away so I can do it myself...the RIGHT way), and then sitting there on his ass while I scrub the kitchen floor on my hands and knees, he's about to get hit in the crotch by that baseball bat that I found behind my refrigerator while cleaning today. And if he wants to have sex tonight?

Well, I'm sure you can imagine.


Post a Comment