Fuck you, Christmas.

By "Fuck you," I don't mean the traditional celebration of Jesus' birth. That can stay, because after all, that's what Christmas is really about.

No, by "Fuck you," I mean that buying presents can go fuck themselves. Christmas cards can take a flying leap. The inevitable rain that comes on southeastern Ohio during December because Ohio is a douchebag that doesn't know that it's not supposed to be 0 degrees with wind one day and 50 degrees and raining the next, can take a pool cue up the ass. Cleaning up the messes of the holidays takes into next year, and I'm not just talking about the wrapping paper and crappy in-law cooking and all (although I feel bad about adding an extra 2 trash bags to the landfill this week) - the emotional messes that it causes take forever to fix, just to be rebroken again next year.

I really don't want to go through another year of Mr. BigRed bitching because his mom got his sisters super-ass-expensive presents (this year, she paid 3 months worth of rent on her older two daughter's apartments [I should mention that both the girls - and their respective significant others - are unemployed...], and bought her youngest daughter some expensive ass phone with all the whoo-hah bells and whistles, along with 6 months of prepaid minutes) while she forgot about him for the 10th year in a row, as if that's some sort of surprise. His mom is the type of woman who cut ties with everything from her first marriage, including her son, and now doesn't want anything to do with him because he reminds her of her first husband. Why the fuck is he surprised? This happens EVERY. YEAR. Even I see it coming, and after 9 years together, I've ceased feeling sorry for him. It'd be different if she actually had given him a good Christmas/Hanukkah when he was a kid, and therefore had a reason to feel let down, but it always was a sucky holiday season for him. No matter what I do, it doesn't make it better for him, either, so I've just stopped trying. Seriously - what's the point? I try to make him feel better about the holiday, and it doesn't work. I'm done with throwing time, energy, money, and emotion into a black hole.

I miss Christmas when I was a kid. Christmas lights, decorations all around the house, cider, driving around and looking at Christmas lights...hell, it even snowed sometimes for Christmas when I was a kid. But now matter how hard I try, now it sucks. It's like everything is trying to point out to me that this is WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG.


Now...I'm off to another Christmas party (at my mom and dad's house).


Riohnna said...

You need hugs!!!! I do understand what you are saying. Is there a way, maybe, to take charge, and start early in the future, to change the monotony of it all? I miss Christmas as well, but not he family part. Everyone always got loud and obnoxious, I couldn't hear myself. I can't sand a lot of noise.

Uhmanduh said...

haha, I totally agree! Christmas just ... overwhelms me. It leaves very little but disappointed expectations, besides some nice loot. I feel stronger about New Year's, bc it's always so anticlimactic. Anyway, glad I traversed beyond your mature content warning! ^_^ Amander

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